Here’s my brief reflection on what went down during this long, rollercoaster year.

Dogs, Divorce, and Death

Black scruffy dog with red beard and white chest

Our sweet dog Edgar died somewhat suddenly, a cruel outcome given his age and the fact that we’d just lost Spencer in July 2020. The grief was overwhelming leading up to his death, and we filled the hole in our hearts with a new addition to our family: Pippa. She is full of energy, loving, and, most importantly, black and scruffy like Edgar. She has made our pack whole again, and we’ve fallen in love.

My parents got divorced. I’ve been reluctant to write about this publicly since it’s not necessarily my story to tell, but it did happen and it did impact me. I’m happy my mom is now free from what seems like a lifetime of servitude to children and husbands, and I hope my respective relationships with my mom and dad will grow individually despite the complexity and logistical challenges that come with having divorced parents.

My grandmother died. We weren’t particularly close and didn’t speak all that often, although that’s something I could’ve rectified in my adulthood if I had put forth the effort. Relationships of all kinds don’t last if their foundation is weak or if there is no nurturing. In my case, I was left to maintain and invest in this relationship on my own — without the help of my dad, my grandmother’s son, or the crutch of close proximity. I feel some regret that I didn't do more, but I’m happy that I took the time to visit with her within the last few years and that she had the chance to meet my partner.

Hips, Homes, and (Job) Hops

I had hip surgery in August, and while I’m overdue to write an update on how that’s going, the TL;DR is that I’m feeling much better! There are some normal tasks, like putting on socks and cutting my toenails, that still require extra effort on my surgical side, but daily pain is at a minimum as long as I’m not too sedentary. I’m back to working out and hope to jump back on my bike this year.

Nelson (left) and Minnie sun in the backyard

We bought a house and moved in September! Just a month after hip surgery, you ask? Indeed, the timing could not have been worse, and the physical pain and emotional upheaval pushed me to a breaking point. Now that we’re settled in a little more, we are in heaven. Our home, with about 60% more space plus a backyard for our dogs, has been one of our greatest joys of 2021.

Last but not least, I became part of the Great Resignation and left the company where I worked for almost eight years. I learned so much and found tremendous gratification in building something alongside a group of incredibly talented people, but I ultimately grew out of the lifestyle that a startup-like culture demands.

I started a new job that checks most of my boxes late this year and was incredibly fortunate to take a month off in between jobs. I visited my parents and high school friends in California; I jumped up to Seattle to visit an old college friend; and I traveled to Mexico for some rest and relaxation with my partner for our second real vacation together in seven years!

I’ve been basking in learning new things at work and relishing my newfound free time on nights and weekends exploring hobbies.

Cheers to friends and family for all the love and support in 2021! In 2022, I’m hoping for a little less pain, both emotional and physical, and maybe a little less covid in this world.

I had hip surgery just over two weeks ago, and thanks to modern medicine I am already walking around with just one crutch! I still feel varying amounts of pain and numbness: when I sit too long, when I lie on my back, when I reach for my foot, who knows?! It’s still hard to tell what will cause me pain, which in and of itself causes me fear, a vicious cycle. And my “good” hip? It’s angry at me for bearing an additional burden and so it is also painful, an anxiety-inducing reminder that I’ll probably have to go through this again at some future date.

I trusted my doctor’s diagnosis and my decision to have the surgery, so I opted out of going down a potentially scary rabbit hole on hip labral repair (I also had my femur reshaped to correct impingement) prior to my surgery. But with that said, I really appreciated this post by The Fit Cookie for her patient perspective on her injury and recovery, which I read afterward. I thought I’d add my experience to anyone out there also searching for other patient perspectives.

The Injury

My hips have cracked for as long as I remember. When I’d sit butterfly-style on the ground, I’d often lean back and then forward to initiate what felt like a “corrective” crack so that I could move around more easily. It turns out that was probably hip impingement, which I still have in my right hip and what probably caused the tear in my labrum while indoor cycling. There was no single moment when I knew I hurt myself. I did a hard ride on a Sunday in February, and I absolutely crushed it. For any Zwifters out there, it was the infamous Alpe du Zwift, and I beat my first attempt of the virtual mountain by over 20 minutes.

A screenshot from my ride on February 21, 2021

The next day I had trouble lifting my left leg and walking up stairs, but I figured I was just sore from a tough workout. I took it easy for a few weeks until my hip felt better, and once it did I even felt well enough to start a new training program. A month in and after another harder ride, the injury flared up again and a few weeks of rest didn’t seem to help.

The (First) Diagnosis

I went to a sports med doctor who diagnosed a strained hip flexor, which I probably had on top of the torn labrum. The problem is that we treated it for too long (2.5 months) and once I tried increasing my physical activity, I slid back to where I started, and with more pain. I wanted to dig my fingers into the spot where my leg meets my hip, but I could never reach it. I’d furiously massage my quad where the pain ran down toward my knee. I popped ibuprofen like candy to get through a day of working from my chair, and I hit my breaking point when I stopped being able to walk the dogs around the block.

The (Second) Diagnosis

If I could do it all over again, I would’ve gotten an arthrogram (MRI with dye) much sooner. They numbed my leg, did a “live x-ray”-type thing, and injected some fluid into my joint. Then they sent me to the machine where I had the luxury of listening to the Rilo Kiley Pandora channel. I cried in that noisy tube as I contemplated my life, because they told me I might have something more serious. In my opinion, the better option sucked too, but a week or so later I was relieved to have just a torn labrum and NOT a dying femur. I booked my surgery with them that same day, as casually as if I were pre-ordering a Peloton.

The Procedure

As a surgery newbie, I was a little jolted by how mundane this event seemed to them since it was certainly a big deal to me. I slept well the night before my appointment, but once I got to the surgery center, 1.5 sober hours of pre-op proved emotional. I cried while changing into my gown and watched my tears hit the tile floor. I suppose I was moving slowly, because the nurse barged in and seemed surprised. Maybe no one cries before surgery? She gave me a hug and told me I’d be fine. I cried more.

I cried just about every time someone came up to me to verify that, yes, it was my left hip we were here to fix. When the time came, they wheeled me into the room and spoiler: I cried again! A very nice nurse grabbed my hand, which I held limply — I think a habit of mine to not make straight women uncomfortable. She told me it was ok If I wanted to squeeze back (reader, I was moved and cried more). Whether due to pity or normal procedure, the nurse anesthesiologist gave me nitrous oxide via mask, which worked quickly. I was so instantaneously high that I tried pulling the mask off when I’d had enough. And then before I knew it, I was awake in post-op and a nurse was helping me put on my underwear. I wasn’t crying!

More on post-surgery recovery soon in another post.

2021: A Long Year

I Had Hip Surgery!